On my mind today...

I have had this butterfly image saved to various hard drives for the last 12 years.  It captured my heart as I felt like it was created just for me.  It's a perfect representation of what I feel a butterfly should be.  The hearts and flowers clearly there for the love and beauty that I desire to obtain.  I promised myself, so many years ago, that if I ever came to a place of contentment in my life I would have this image tattooed and filled with color somewhere on my body.  I was 20 then and the idea of a tattoo seemed fun and cool.  I'm a grown woman now, 2 babies later, and inside a body that is hardly worthy of art.  However, a promise is a promise.

Would I really go through with it?  Sure would.

Remember back where I said I would have to be at a place of contentment in my life first...yeah...that's the biggie.  That's the journey that I took a side path from when I got married, had a baby, got a divorce, got married again, had another baby, etc, etc, etc.  All parts of my life that have led to a spiritual and faithful contentment.  I didn't know coming to know Christ and walking with our Lord to become closer to Him daily would be so amazing.  I didn't know it was possible to love a man like I love my husband.  I didn't know that being a mother (and step-mom) would mean four people for which I would give my life. 

So, in all aspects of life I am truly happy.  It's beautiful.  It's more than I could have ever imagined.  Blessings abundant.  There's a little teeny tiny part missing though.  Me.  Yeah, you know, the one writing the words you're reading.  Good ol' Mandy!  Who is she?  She is a girl that longs to be in the body that she sees in her dreams.  Not to say that I believe outer beauty is required to be happy in life, but it's kinda like chocolate syrup on plain ice cream...it sure does make it better.

Listen to me...bringing up chocolate when I'm on a diet!  Shoot myself in the toe why don't I?  Not certain which is worse the word 'chocolate' or 'diet'.  I prefer to call it my transformation or something cool like that.  Diet makes it sound like I'm being deprived.  I am, in a way, if I place my happiness in that hunk of sweet goodness by the makers of Hershey.  Instead, I am headed toward placing that happiness in the sight, touch, and feel of a body that I had once long ago.  I'd also refer to that as "sweet goodness", but let's not get crazy!

How am I gonna get there?  Well, I'm starving.  No, seriously, I am simply changing my thoughts about what is good to go inside this awesome body of mine.  Making better choices.  Eliminating the junk.  Cutting out the huge amount of crap I had become accustomed to consuming.  So far, so good.  Also, looking forward to getting up and moving around.  Getting the heart rate up and Lord willing sweat a little bit without passing out from the pain.

My wonderful husband is joining me in this venture.  He is helping me tremendously.  It's nice when your best friend holds your hand.  It's gonna be fun one day when he takes me to get my first tattoo.